初学创作，请批！

wym1351

初学创作，请批！

横刀沙场

好作品,本人觉得水字有点不协调,一己之见,请谅!

地书老君

em1 em1 em1 排列太齐了

拂尘客

写的不错，落款可以再底一点！em13 em13 em13

长沙胖子

学习！[whitepad]***700;400;700,400;;*0.75; m404,240 l413,240 e|********* m404,241 l404,240 e|********* m404,240 l404,245 e|********* m405,245 l413,245 e|********* m414,241 l414,245 e|********* m414,240 l415,240 e|********* m415,241 l420,241 e|********* m416,244 l419,244 e|********* m420,241 l419,243 e|********* m394,241 l404,241 e|********* m395,244 l402,244 e|********* m400,244 l404,244 e|********* m406,228 l410,228 e|********* m411,228 l411,238 e|********* m411,238 l411,240 e|********* m405,228 l405,231 e|********* m405,231 l407,231 e|********* m406,231 l411,231 e|********* m407,231 l407,231 e|********* m405,231 l408,231 e|********* m406,231 l406,237 e|********* m406,237 l405,239 e|********* m407,237 l411,237 e|********* m394,241 l384,241 e|********* m396,244 l384,244 e|********* m383,240 l383,245 e|********* m380,240 l382,240 e|********* m378,240 l378,244 e|********* m378,245 l382,245 e|********* m377,241 l356,241 e|********* m378,245 l378,245 e|********* m378,244 l356,244 e|********* m356,232 l378,232 e|********* m356,235 l376,235 e|********* m379,232 l382,236 e|********* m377,235 l379,238 e|********* m383,237 l383,240 e|********* m379,238 l379,240 e|********* m377,235 l379,234 e|********* m373,233 l373,234 e|********* m378,233 l378,235 e|********* m357,233 l357,248 e|********* m354,231 l357,231 e|********* m353,231 l353,249 e|********* m354,249 l357,249 e|********* m359,247 l379,247 e|********* m380,246 l380,249 e|********* m380,249 l382,249 e|********* m382,245 l382,249 e|rect;358;243;21;0;21600,21600;***|*383;242;1;******|*384;*20;1;*****|*357;*21;******|*358;233;15;******|*377;234;2;2;*****|*380;236;*3;*****|*374;233;3;0;*****|*407;230;2;7;*****|**232;3;1;*****|**230;2;0;*****|*408;234;*1;*****|**229;*0;*****|*416;242;*2;*****|*417;243;*0;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m321,232 l352,232 e|********* m321,233 l321,241 e|********* m320,242 l353,242 e|********* m318,255 l324,253 e|********* m325,252 l350,250 e|********* m352,249 l349,249 e|********* m349,250 l353,249 e|********* m325,253 l325,253 e|********* m323,242 l308,242 e|********* m305,241 l306,253 e|********* m306,253 l309,257 e|********* m310,257 l311,258 e|********* m312,258 l319,255 e|********* m324,253 l326,252 e|********* m307,241 l308,241 e|********* m308,241 l309,253 e|********* m309,253 l313,257 e|********* m357,236 l376,236 e|********* m358,238 l357,238 e|********* m357,239 l357,240 e|********* m357,241 l377,241 e|********* m357,240 l404,240 e|*******white;* m357,232 l358,234 e|********* m357,240 l358,240 e|********* m358,242 l377,241 e|********* m364,241 l359,241 e|********* m383,241 l387,241 e|********* m390,241 l403,241 e|********* m390,241 l388,241 e|*******black;* m358,240 l401,240 e|********* m402,241 l403,241 e|********* m402,240 l356,240 e|********* m316,227 l320,227 e|********* m319,227 l320,228 e|********* m321,228 l321,231 e|********* m315,228 l314,232 e|********* m301,233 l313,233 e|********* m299,232 l294,228 e|********* m291,227 l293,227 e|********* m290,227 l291,229 e|********* m292,231 l292,237 e|********* m292,229 l292,232 e|********* m292,239 l299,240 e|********* m299,240 l301,244 e|********* m301,244 l305,244 e|********* m297,228 l314,231 e|********* m296,227 l294,226 e|********* m293,225 l293,227 e|********* m406,230 l405,239 e|********* m405,223 l405,227 e|********* m405,222 l411,222 e|********* m411,222 l411,228 e|********* m405,225 l409,225 e|********* m406,224 l408,224 e|********* m411,221 l411,221 e|********* m406,234 l403,239 e|********* m402,222 l402,222 e|******#333;** m294,231 l292,231 e|********* m295,231 l294,234 e|********* m318,230 l317,230 e|********* m317,230 l316,233 e|********* m318,230 l320,233 e|********* m317,233 l318,233 e|********* m322,232 l320,236 e|********* m322,232 l323,232 e|********* m323,232 l323,241 e|********* m323,242 l323,243 e|rect;323;242;10;2;21600,21600;***|*333;241;0;0;*****|***2;******|**240;0;2;*****|***9;1;*****|*343;243;*******|*301;235;18;4;*****|*303;233;16;2;*****|*317;228;2;3;*****|*315;*0;2;*****|*318;229;*0;*****|*295;227;8;1;*****|*303;228;4;******|*308;229;6;3;*****|*295;232;4;6;*****|*300;233;0;5;*****|*299;239;1;2;*****|*302;241;*0;*****|*309;239;11;3;*****|*301;240;4;0;*****|*292;231;*6;*****|*294;235;0;3;*****|*304;234;16;5;*****|*311;237;8;2;*****|*313;238;0;1;*****|*301;230;2;2;*****|*296;229;14;3;*****|*300;234;1;2;*****|*292;226;2;4;*****|*291;224;0;2;*****|**226;3;0;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m290,233 l218,233 e|********* m302,244 l215,245 e|********* m219,235 l215,238 e|********* m218,232 l214,241 e|********* m215,241 l212,245 e|********* m211,245 l211,258 e|********* m211,259 l306,254 e|oval;215;259;0;0;21600,21600;#c60;**|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m219,259 l220,263 e|********* m220,263 l213,283 e|********* m212,284 l214,288 e|********* m214,288 l219,291 e|********* m221,291 l223,286 e|********* m223,285 l233,267 e|********* m236,259 l234,267 e|********* m236,266 l237,267 e|********* m237,267 l257,266 e|********* m259,258 l259,262 e|********* m259,263 l257,265 e|********* m242,258 l247,262 e|********* m247,258 l248,261 e|********* m246,261 l251,263 e|********* m245,258 l247,262 e|********* m246,259 l245,259 e|********* m248,260 l248,261 e|********* m260,256 l260,262 e|********* m268,257 l268,265 e|********* m274,257 l274,267 e|********* m269,266 l272,266 e|********* m269,266 l273,266 e|roundrect;271;261;1;3;21600,21600;***|**263;*2;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m270,264 l269,271 e|******black;** m273,266 l273,265 e|********* m276,257 l276,257 e|********* m276,257 l277,266 e|********* m277,265 l280,277 e|********* m280,277 l286,291 e|********* m286,291 l294,303 e|********* m295,303 l299,309 e|********* m296,254 l296,259 e|********* m296,259 l297,259 e|********* m296,257 l299,268 e|********* m299,268 l303,279 e|********* m303,279 l309,288 e|********* m310,288 l314,295 e|********* m316,295 l316,296 e|********* m298,309 l317,295 e|********* m299,254 l297,254 e|********* m297,256 l300,269 e|********* m300,271 l305,284 e|********* m307,284 l314,294 e|rect;281;278;1;0;21600,21600;#c60;**|**276;*3;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m282,278 l300,270 e|********* m290,295 l306,286 e|rect;283;280;13;4;21600,21600;*#c60;*|*287;276;*3;*****|*296;281;4;******|*287;283;12;5;*****|**286;5;6;*****|*293;284;6;******|*297;278;*******|*289;274;9;4;*****|*284;277;1;2;*****|roundrect;*285;4;3;*****|*289;293;3;0;*****|****1;*****|*292;288;4;3;*****|*294;283;9;6;*****|*297;272;4;7;*****|*295;273;3;0;*****|*301;281;5;2;*****|*297;272;4;1;*****|*304;282;1;2;*****|*303;283;*0;*****|*301;284;3;1;*****|*286;278;0;******|**279;1;0;*****|*283;********|***0;3;*****|*282;280;*0;*****|*292;292;*******|*285;289;2;1;*****|*288;291;0;0;*****|*292;293;*******|*293;********|**290;*******|*310;247;42;3;*****|*335;243;7;1;*****|*334;*3;******|*308;244;11;4;*****|*309;242;2;1;*****|*310;243;11;0;*****|*320;*1;5;*****|*321;246;30;0;*****|**244;2;2;*****|*322;245;28;0;*****|*325;241;7;******|*344;*8;******|*324;233;28;6;*****|*346;240;5;1;*****|*348;*0;******|*343;*1;0;*****|*350;242;*******|*346;241;*******|*349;239;*******|*347;*4;******|*345;*1;******|*327;240;0;******|*326;*5;******|***1;1;*****|rect;314;249;5;4;*****|*312;252;3;3;*****|roundrect;317;251;12;1;*****|*314;253;2;******|*311;249;5;6;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;black;black;* m226,247 l249,250 e|********* m225,253 l248,253 e|roundrect;249;251;0;2;21600,21600;***|*224;247;*3;*****|*223;250;1;0;*****|oval;222;245;7;6;*;***|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m223,251 l229,253 e|********* m275,251 l275,254 e|********* m275,249 l297,249 e|********* m296,249 l297,254 e|********* m275,233 l276,236 e|********* m277,236 l287,236 e|********* m288,236 l288,233 e|********* m215,243 l302,243 e|********* m216,241 l303,241 e|******#666;#666;* m221,236 l293,240 e|rect;219;234;56;6;21600,21600;***|*217;235;5;3;*****|*274;237;17;******|*216;246;3;12;*****|*220;254;51;3;*****|*252;247;3;5;*****|**248;14;******|*268;247;4;3;*****|*264;245;8;8;*****|*267;247;7;2;*****|*272;244;29;4;*****|*302;247;3;6;*****|*299;248;*1;*****|*298;243;5;9;*****|*212;244;4;14;*****|*217;245;*10;*****|roundrect;222;252;1;1;*****|*231;246;31;3;*****|*264;249;0;0;*****|*245;248;5;5;*****|*216;236;60;1;*black;black;**|*279;237;14;0;*****|*258;245;0;9;*****|**246;12;0;*****|*269;*1;11;*****|*220;257;12;0;*****|*215;258;4;2;*****|*219;256;55;******|*276;254;21;******|*297;*4;0;*****|*299;253;5;******|*272;251;3;5;*#666;#999;**|*273;250;0;1;*****|*281;257;10;4;*****|*283;259;2;2;*****|*278;*14;13;*#999;***|*276;258;18;0;*****|*294;*3;12;*****|*291;**13;*****|*282;274;8;1;*****|*283;271;4;3;*****|*281;272;0;2;*****|*290;*3;1;*****|*291;293;4;3;*****|**295;0;1;*****|*293;*9;3;*****|*298;*0;******|*295;292;15;8;*****|*301;290;8;1;*****|*305;288;3;0;*****|*304;285;2;2;*****|*302;290;1;0;*****|*309;295;*******|*296;300;5;5;*****|*299;301;4;2;*****|**303;1;3;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m297,306 l314,295 e|********* m302,304 l306,302 e|********1.5; m298,306 l313,295 e|********* m292,297 l294,300 e|********* m294,300 l297,304 e|********* m304,288 l311,294 e|********* m299,293 l300,293 e|********* m294,292 l297,292 e|********* m309,288 l314,295 e|********* m278,259 l281,268 e|*******black;* m282,277 l299,269 e|********* m289,295 l307,284 e|********* m276,261 l276,265 e|********* m277,265 l280,276 e|********* m280,276 l288,293 e|********* m288,292 l300,306 e|********* m299,308 l317,296 e|********* m297,258 l300,271 e|********* m300,270 l306,283 e|********* m307,283 l316,297 e|oval;223;267;3;3;21600,21600;***|*218;280;*******|*223;259;9;6;*#c60;#c60;**|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m221,260 l220,276 e|********* m223,261 l213,284 e|********* m232,267 l220,290 e|********* m214,285 l219,289 e|********* m224,263 l215,285 e|rect;221;261;1;22;21600,21600;***|*218;278;4;6;*****|*221;263;6;9;*****|*233;259;1;7;*****|*228;264;4;6;*****|*224;270;2;7;*****|*223;272;5;4;*****|*219;284;0;3;*****|**286;*2;*****|roundrect;225;263;2;4;**black;**|*219;280;4;2;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;black;** m357,241 l377,241 e|********* m385,241 l401,241 e|********* m408,228 l408,228 e|********* m406,227 l406,228 e|********* m409,227 l407,226 e|********* m406,221 l409,223 e|********* m409,222 l409,229 e|********* m406,222 l406,227 e|********* m410,227 l411,230 e|********* m406,228 l407,229 e|********* m406,243 l412,243 e|********* m407,242 l414,242 e|********* m407,245 l411,245 e|********* m210,247 l211,247 e|********0.75; m209,246 l209,246 e|oval;211;246;5;0;21600,21600;#ccc;**|*212;*8;10;*#666;***|*214;248;5;6;*****|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m208,260 l216,254 e|********* m229,248 l245,251 e|********* m229,252 l244,251 e|********* m238,251 l243,252 e|********* m227,247 l227,252 e|********* m226,247 l223,249 e|********* m230,251 l234,251 e|******black;*1.5; m210,249 l182,254 e|********* m210,258 l184,265 e|********* m182,255 l183,265 e|********* m181,253 l148,259 e|********* m147,261 l152,275 e|********* m152,275 l155,287 e|********* m155,289 l183,265 e|rect;185;255;4;8;21600,21600;#333;**|*189;254;5;******|*195;253;4;7;*****|*199;*6;5;*****|*202;250;5;8;*****|*207;251;2;4;*****|*183;255;24;0;*****|*185;257;15;2;*****|*151;269;3;******|*154;271;1;6;*****|*152;272;3;******|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;**0.75; m302,228 l307,229 e|********* m310,229 l314,230 e|********* m308,229 l311,230 e|********* m392,246 l415,246 e|********* m393,252 l400,251 e|********* m400,251 l415,250 e|********* m415,245 l415,251 e|********* m415,247 l415,252 e|********* m417,245 l417,252 e|********* m414,246 l416,246 e|********* m417,246 l465,246 e|********* m417,250 l419,250 e|********* m417,249 l468,246 e|********* m395,247 l395,247 e|********* m393,246 l393,249 e|roundrect;390;246;3;7;21600,21600;***|*393;248;4;1;*****|*396;246;6;4;*****|*403;247;*2;*****|*409;*2;3;*****|*403;*10;******|*393;248;2;2;*****|**246;0;4;*****|oval;385;*5;7;*;***|shape;0;0;700;400;700,400;*** m386,248 l385,249 e|********* m385,252 l386,252 e|********* m383,250 l385,250 e|********* m383,248 l387,251 e|********* m386,249 l386,253 e|********* m386,253 l390,253 e|********* m386,247 l390,247 e|********* m385,247 l388,247 e|********* m387,247 l385,249 e|********* m396,250 l391,249 e|********2.25; m100,52 l100,118,99,119,99,121,98,121,98,123,97,125,97,126,96,127,96,129,95,130,94,132,93,133,86,133 e|********* m100,52 l114,44,122,44,122,53,121,53,121,55,120,57,120,80,121,89,121,93,122,94,122,113,123,114,123,145,116,145,116,144,114,144,111,142 e|********* m99,92 l120,88,115,88 e|********* m102,110 l116,102,117,100,117,95,118,94 e|********* m136,54 l148,65 e|********* m172,49 l161,61,159,63,156,64 e|********* m139,75 l165,69,164,69 e|********* m134,96 l158,85,160,84,162,84,162,83,169,81,170,81 e|********* m148,26 l153,59,153,160,154,159 e|********* m206,64 l240,64,245,67,247,68,248,69,250,72,251,73,252,73,253,74,251,77,245,84,243,86,237,93 e|********* m232,92 l243,107,245,110,246,111,246,113,248,128,248,141,245,146,245,148,244,149,242,149,242,150,239,150,236,152,225,152,219,151,215,149,210,146 e|********* m177,125 l228,114,229,113,239,112,243,111,248,110,249,109,250,109,254,107,256,107,264,104,265,103,266,103,267,102,270,102 e|********* m292,74 l292,104,290,111,290,113,289,115,288,116,288,117,287,117,287,113 e|********* m295,74 l327,70,335,70 e|********* m335,69 l335,117,336,125,336,131,334,131,334,130,326,125 e|********* m306,100 l325,94 e|********* m299,114 l324,108,325,107,327,106,326,104 e|********* m313,82 l317,109,317,129 e|********* m356,77 l384,69,385,69 e|********* m358,86 l360,106,360,103 e|********* m360,95 l377,87,380,85,381,85,385,84,388,84,388,90,389,93,389,104,384,102,384,101,383,99 e|********* m372,49 l372,136,371,136,371,135,369,131 e|********* m373,98 l363,116,354,122,351,122,351,120 e|********* m372,104 l380,106,381,106,384,107 e|********* m381,105 l385,106,388,107,390,107 e|********* m396,81 l399,107,399,105 e|********* m419,45 l421,112,421,139,418,139,414,135,409,134,405,134,405,132 e|********* m453,89 l484,83,496,83,496,85,497,87,497,111,496,112,496,114,495,116,495,117,494,118,494,120,493,120,493,123,492,120 e|********* m476,86 l468,103,466,106,465,107,457,116,456,117,456,118,454,118,454,119,451,122,450,122 e|********* m503,50 l537,41,541,40,558,40,558,39 e|********* m541,39 l543,86,543,124,542,126,542,129,541,130,541,131,540,132,540,133,539,135,533,141,533,142,524,142,524,141,523,141,523,136 e|********* m546,62 l577,51,580,51,597,48 e|********* m586,48 l572,69,570,71 e|********* m556,71 l559,89,559,106,560,100 e|********* m561,75 l576,70,584,68 e|********* m584,68 l588,77,588,112,586,110 e|********* m572,91 l572,112,566,120,564,120,563,121,561,121,561,120 e|********* m568,118 l582,127,587,128,587,131,588,132,592,132,592,133,593,133,593,134 e|********* m506,199 l491,216,489,217,488,218,487,220,473,227 e|********* m482,225 l484,246,484,292,488,299,489,299,489,297 e|********* m519,192 l502,233,502,234,501,236,501,234 e|********* m509,221 l540,222,551,224,552,224,560,232,560,234,561,235,561,239,558,241,548,246,546,246,545,247,538,250,537,250,537,249 e|********* m526,231 l529,259,529,305,528,306,525,313,523,316,523,312,524,309 e|********* m523,259 l511,278,510,279,504,283,504,284,506,284 e|********* m531,272 l562,273,568,273 e|oval;611;209;5;96;21600,21600;***|**316;9;12;*****[/whitepad]

箫音1

工整之余不乏险奇，古味之下略带雕痕。

sdny

可以呀！个别字在用笔上较欠婉转，如“调”，个人浅见